For crying out loud… January 10, 2009

Maybe your wondering why i stay up late. Truth is i cannot sleep and i just stare at my computer hoping i could write again. For five miserable years of being stuck on the world i built. A world where no one could hurt me again or intentionally hurt me. My friends are begging me to let go of the past and try to trust again. But everytime i do that, the past creeps in like a dark shadow. Making me crawl back again to my little world. I’m afraid that person would do me wrong. Questions like, What if? would be the first to pop in my mind. I have to get this off my chest. What have i done to you for you to hurt me so bad, that i have loss my self esteem. I have work my ass, keep my mind busy, read every book, stroll the mall until my feet hurts just to keep you out of my mind. But still after 5 long years it still hurts so bad, really bad. I find it hard to trust again, thinking that every person i’ve meet will intentionally hurt me. Only my closest friends knows all the details. Truth is guys i’ve never really moved on. Sorry. I am doing my best to go out again, to explore the world ( as what you all say), to have more friends, get out of my usual routine, have fun, meet more guys hehehe… Thanks to my closest friends for always being there for me, when in times i’m so down and just babbling nonsense =).  I’m stronger now, i just hope and pray and wish that i’m will meet the right man for me. The One who will take care of me, the one who will understand my craziness. The one who will asked me how am i, who will try to know me better. He will ask me everything, he will not  jump into conclusion based on what he sees. Narrow minded person (KEEP OFF!!!). He will be always be there for me, i don’t care if my cellphone beeps every second , just as as long its from the one that i choose. Being busy is not an excuse ( my motto). He must be a good conversationalist, with a great sense of humor without trying so hard to make me smile or laugh. I Hope i will meet you soon… Just don’t be stuck in a traffic =)